Essay writing clinic: focus on the title
By Joe Gauci
For many IB History students, one of the biggest challenges is keeping their essays focused on the question. All too often, in writing an essay, students will drift away from the question and end up just describing the topic or writing a narrative of events.
Top tips on keeping your IB History essay focused
Make sure that when you spend the first few minutes of the exam planning your answer, you decide on what your line of argument will be - what will your answer to the question be? Do this instead of just thinking about what information you will include.
In your introduction, make it clear what your line of argument is going to be. So, if the question asks you to evaluate, for example, the causes of one 20th century war, instead of just listing some of the factors you will be looking at, indicate briefly which causes were most important and why and whether one stands out as the most important.
Check that your first sentence (the ‘key’ sentence) of each paragraph of your essay is making a statement that directly answers the question.
For each point that you make, provide an explanation of what light that point sheds on the question / why it is significant and also present evidence or a precise example to support it. So, the drill should be ‘Statement, Explanation, Example’.
Examples of keeping focus and not keeping focus
Below are part of two IB students’ essays on a question relating to authoritarian rulers maintaining their power:
‘Examine the methods used by one authoritarian ruler to maintain power.’
Both students have applied the question to Stalin’s USSR. Both were taught by me and had access to the same information. Both students know and understand the details of Stalin’s economic policies.
However, IB Student 1 fails to link Stalin’s success/failure in economic policy to his maintenance of power. Instead, he is really answering a totally different question – namely, how successful were Stalin’s economic policies? By contrast, IB Student 2 keeps her paragraphs on collectivization and the Five-Year Plan well focused on how those economic policies contributed to maintaining Stalin’s power. Note the phrasing of IB Student 2’s first sentence in each paragraph. They explicitly link the paragraph to the question, for example:
In order to bolster his authority and therefore maintain his power, Stalin used extensive propaganda which encouraged the population to see the Five-Year Plans as heroic and a step towards a better future for the USSR’.
Stalin’s implementation of collectivization played an important role in generating Party support as well as helping Stalin gain greater control over the peasantry, both making important contributions to his maintenance of power.’
By contrast, IB Student 1’s first sentences do not make points that link back to the question. Instead, he is just describing aspects of Stalin’s economic planning, for example:
In 1929, Stalin introduced collectivization, as he was keen to prevent another grain procurement crisis.
When the Politburo received the first draft of the first five-year plan, they made the mistake of choosing the optimum targets instead of all the basic ones, setting impossible targets, for example, asking for a 110% overall production increase.
IB Student 1 (a NOT focused answer):
After establishing his leadership of the Communist Party of the USSR by 1928, Stalin realised that the USSR was far behind the rest of the world economically. Stalin also saw the lack of peasant support for both him and the party. He recognised that in order to rebuild the USSR, he first needed to consolidate his power. This was accomplished in three main ways: the introduction of three Five-Year Plans, collectivisation and the unhindered use of terror.
The first of the Five-Year Plans was introduced in 1928. With these plans, Stalin aimed to boost the USSR’s economy and to protect her from foreign invasion. To justify these schemes, Stalin made a famous speech in 1931 in which he claimed that the USSR was 50 years behind the more advanced countries in the west and that if the USSR should fail to close this gap within 10 years, it would be the end. By looking at official party statistics, it could be seen that Stalin’s goals met with great success; however, on closer examination of the evidence, we can see that the Five-Year Plans were not as successful as was claimed.
When the Politburo received the first draft of the first five-year plan, they made the mistake of choosing the optimum targets instead of all the basic ones, setting impossible targets, for example, asking for a 110% overall production increase. These goals were passed down to factory managers, who were threatened with force if they did not meet these requirements. As a result, the emphasis of the Soviet industrial machine turned to quantity, all too often at the cost of quality.
In addition, Stalin forced millions off the land to become the workmen of the Five-Year Plans, took more grain from the peasantry in order to feed his urban workforce, depressed living standards and increased taxes to fund his ambitions. Even so, the Five-Year Plans did have some positive results. High-quality machinery and well-trained technicians from the west arrived in the USSR to help in her economic development. Literacy rates almost doubled between 1928 and 1941. It could also be argued that the Five-Year Plans gave the USSR the foundation to be able to outbuild and outlast Nazi Germany during the Second World War.
In 1929, Stalin introduced collectivization, as he was keen to prevent another grain procurement crisis. It allowed the government to procure out the necessary grain for rapid industrialisation and at the same time allowed the government to direct the peasantry in large collective forms, each with its own party representative and armed NKVD force. Nevertheless, collectivisation proved to be a failure in the long run. From the available statistics, it can be seen that in the early 1930s grain production actually fell and that Soviet agricultural output only grew by 7% between 1928 and 1941. The peasants themselves resisted collectivisation, slaughtering their livestock, including more than 50% of their cattle. In addition, collectivisation resulted in famine in which millions died.
IB Student 2 (a focused answer):
After Stalin had achieved control of the Soviet Communist Party by 1928, he was faced with the task of retaining his authority both inside and outside the Party. His introduction of the Five-Year Plans (1928-41) and collectivization (1929 onwards) was important in increasing the state’s control over both the urban and rural population. Furthermore, Stalin’s use of propaganda and his encouragement of a personality cult were vital in generating popular support. However, the most important method used by Stalin was his use of terror; the purges encouraged the co-operation and loyalty of both the Soviet public and the Party.
Stalin’s implementation of collectivization played an important role in generating Party support as well as helping Stalin gain greater control over the peasantry, both making important contributions to his maintenance of power. ‘Dekulakisation’ in 1929-30 involved attacking the ‘kulaks’ who were seen by many in the Party as ‘petty bourgeoisie’; therefore, Party members saw collectivization as a step towards the creation of a classless society and so encouraged many to see Stalin as committed to communist values and increased their support for him. The peasants, however, were meant to see ‘dekulakisation’ as a warning of the consequences of not co-operating with the Party. This was partly unsuccessful with regards to the suppression of the peasantry as in 1929-30 peasants slaughtered their livestock. That said, Stalin did achieve greater control over the grain supply with procurements rising from 15% in 1928 to a peak of 40% in 1933, which helped cement his popularity within the Party. The establishment of collective farms also allowed for tighter Party control over the peasantry, as each collective had a Party official as its chairman and NKVD units were stationed at Motor Tractor Stations. Previously the peasantry had been dispersed in 24 million individual farms and hardly any had belonged to the Communist Party – fewer than 0.01% of peasant families had a single Party member in 1928.
In order to bolster his authority and therefore maintain his power, Stalin used extensive propaganda which encouraged the population to see the Five-Year Plans as heroic and a step towards a better future for the USSR. On one level, Stalin did inspire many Russians, particularly within Komsomol, to help on building projects, most famously the construction of Magnitogorsk, which demonstrated the belief in Stalin that many young Russians had. However, his policy of ‘iron discipline’, whilst demoralizing many, had the effect of scaring the Russian population into submission. Furthermore, the reintroduction of internal passports – abolished in 1917 - gave the Party tight control over the movement of the urban population. Arguably, without the Five-Year Plans and Stalin’s rapid development of heavy industry in the 1930s, which saw overall industrial production increase by around 140%, the USSR would not have survived the Nazi invasion of 1941. The Five-Year Plans provided Soviet Russia with the economic foundations to withstand the Nazi invasion and emerge from the Second World War as a superpower, cementing the loyalty of the Soviet population to Stalin in the process.
What now? Continuing your IB History exam preparation
You now know the importance of keeping your IB History essays focused and how to do it. Don’t leave it until your IB exams to implement Joe’s top tips, start today. Use his approach in your classwork and throughout your IB History revision. Every time you write an IB History essay make sure you’re clear on your line of argument and then purposefully integrate it into your introductory paragraph. From that point forward, ensure that each of your essay paragraphs clearly provides evidence to support your argument, remember - Statement, Explanation, Example. Start practicing this approach as soon as you can and by the time you get to your IB History exams it will be second nature.
Remember all good revision starts with good tools, so be sure to visit our IB History subject page for more helpful articles and resources on how to succeed in your IB exams, including Joe’s articles on how to integrate different perspectives into your essays. For a comprehensive review of syllabus topics and opportunities to practice and refine your exam technique, check out our IB History study guides written by Joe and fellow IB colleagues. Joe’s guides include specific books on authoritarian states including Russia, China, Germany, and Italy among other topics.
